How To Save Your Marriage

Keeping a marriage healthy and together is getting tougher all of the time. When you and your spouse no longer see eye to eye and arguments are more frequent then you need advice to help save your marriage. Remember, divorce is now statistically more probably than staying married “until death do you part”.

There can be a lot of different reasons why a marriage gets into trouble. Sometimes the marriage is fairly young and the two of you just have not figured out how to blend your lives together peacefully yet. It also can be that you have been married quite a while, have kids that are getting older and you find yourself looking at your spouse and wondering who they really are because you have drifted apart.

It is depressing to witness so many couples ending up in divorce, and it is especially disconcerting to see them going into divorce just because of some petty issues that can be resolved by simple communications. You may be asking “How can I save my marriage?” but it is really up to you to do that. My personal feeling is that, filing for divorce is not the solution for any marriage. In fact, it is the most silly thing a person can do. There are in fact ways to save your marriage and you need to be fully committed to reconcile a marriage. One of the first step that I would advice is to go for marital counseling. This will enable a couple to have a mediator to deal with their marriage problems.

Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?  Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  Here’s how to save a relationship.First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving.  While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work.  Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.  But that is not enough.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.  For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.  Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

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It is never easy seeing your marriage fail. Take advantage of these ways to preserve a marriage before it is too late. To put divorce lawyers out of business, they may be all that couples require.

Respect Your Differences

Quirks are normal in everyone. Not only mutual interests must be accepted, but disparities and quirks, as well.

Make The Most Out of Time Spent Together

‘Quality’ time must be spent together. This doesn’t include staying at home and doing chores. Have a date or a holiday to have some leisure time together.

Pamper Yourself

Marriage miscommunication is universal to just about every couple for a straightforward reason.  Men and women communicate differently.  That shouldn’t mean they are incapable of learning how to effectively communicate though.  There is little excuse for arguing or failing to understand what your spouse is expressing.  You have to spend some time learning the distinctive communication style of your spouse and then combine it with your personal style into good two-way communication.  It could be delicate and getting it wrong could mean making your relationship worse, so you will need to have some kind of plan for improving your chances of success.She Hardly Ever ListensMiscommunication between a husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend can begin at the most fundamental level.  He gives you his instructions on how to handle a particular task and you do it wrong, according to him.  He gets disturbed because he thinks you didn’t listen.  You get upset because you tried hard to do as he instructed, but wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted.  These kinds of scenarios happen all the time in a marriage and some are to be anticipated.But when miscommunication begins to affect more serious issues such as discussions about finances or the children, it can be destructive to a marriage.  Poor communication can lead to bad information, start serious arguments, and create feelings of anger and frustration.  “How many times do I have to tell you?” she yells at her husband.  “Why can’t you see I’m stressed over work?” he argues back.  These kinds of statements are just symptoms of marital miscommunication.  Miscommunication is not just saying something in a way the other person fails to grasp.  Miscommunication is also NOT telling someone what you are really thinking or feeling.  You disguise your real internal emotions or your thoughts from your spouse.  The result is you say the wrong thing at the wrong time.He Didn’t Tell MeA wife exclaims to her friends that her husband should have told her he was having trouble at work.  In many cases…he did.  It’s just that he didn’t say it directly and she did not pick up on the verbal and non-verbal clues.  It works the opposite way too.  Women have a tendency to ask leading questions expecting a particular answer.  When she doesn’t get the answer she wants, she gets upset.   Of course the most humorous example quoted all the time is this: Does this dress make me look fat?  The real question she is asking is if he thinks she has put on too much weight!Good communication means there is a two-way exchange of information.   One person talks while the other listens and then the process is reversed.  To communicate better the listener has to listen quietly before they respond back.  But what you say and how you say it is critical to good marital communication.  Say the wrong thing and you may blow it.Say What You MeanAlice in “Alice in Wonderland” is told to say what she means and mean what she says.  This is good advice for both a husband and wife.  You can’t expect your spouse to interpret your words when you have hidden meanings in them.  You also cannot expect your spouse to read your mind.  You need to have honest and open communication and use proven techniques for minimizing misunderstandings.• Give your spouse your full attention when communicating• Give feedback to make sure you understood the message• Make sure you talk when the circumstances are right• Ask for clarification when you don’t understand something• Don’t try to talk about important issues when the timing is poorOne of the times when arguing is likely to break out is when you try to communicate at the wrong time.  The time to ask your wife why a bill was paid late is not right at the moment she walks in the door after working all day with two children in tow just picked up from daycare!  Serious discussions need to be treated seriously which means you need to talk when you can both concentrate on what is being said.If you listen to your spouse and reply negatively right off, it’s a sign the conversation needs to go deeper into the meaning behind the words.  To make this come about means not reacting verbally off the top of your head and getting the whole discussion off on the wrong foot.  Once you develop good communication skills with your husband or wife, the reward is a vigorous marriage that is free from a lot of misunderstandings, miscommunications and arguments.  It is a formula for stopping divorce.

Finding the right marriage counselor that you are compatible with is as important as making the decision to seek professional help.  Afterall, you don’t want to trust the success of your relationship with just anyone.  There are many marriage counselors available to you but you must find one that you trust and respect.  If you don’t then it is not likely that they will be able to help you.  Here is more helpful advice on how to choose a marriage counselor.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl

You don’t need me to tell you about the dire state of the American economy and the reverberations being felt around the world. While you’re probably well aware of how this is directly impacting your bank account, home value, and nest egg, there is a hidden casualty that doesn’t seem to be getting any press:

Marriages and relationships are buckling under the stress of these uncertain, stressful economic times.

Hundreds of years ago, inter-caste marriages were a big deal… to some extent, they are till date. For some people, inter-caste marriages are still a taboo. They fail to discern that marriages are beyond such superficial differences.

That is why, inter caste marriage in India are still confronted with unique challenges. For some people it becomes difficult to convince their parents and in-laws. There are many couples, find it difficult to adapt themselves to a new environment, culture and rituals. In some societies, inter caste marriages are considered as a religious offence where couples face death threats from their own family members. Every now and then, we come across news talking about incidents related to murder due to inter-caste marriages. Such atrocities raise many questions like: Why is caste imposed on couples who want to get married peacefully? In simple words, what is the big deal?

Marriage guidance is paramount in any marital relationship. In other words, you will require a proper guide to enable you reach the place where you wish to go. Marriage is a relationship between two people who have come together to declare that they are in love for life. This makes it one of the most complicated unions for mankind. There are many moments of bliss and you will also find other moments where it feels like hell. Marriage guidance, seeks to help couples recognize the bad things in marriage and solve or manage the problems. Therefore, when it comes to it, you can be sure that problems are always going to be there. The following are some of the things that may cause tension in a marriage. First, there is always the issue of communication. It is pretty important for a couple to be on the same page otherwise, the relationship will suffer communication breakdown. Marriage guidance will come in and assist the couple to restore their communication. There are so many places where you can go for marriage guidance and, they include online, from counselors, friends, religious leaders and others.This are places where couples can consult to come up with an amicable solution for their problems. There are couples who are not open to the idea of being guided by people they hardly know. For this reason, they ignore guidance and continue to wallow in their problem. The worse thing that a couple can do is not to have grave problems but, to ignore those problems. However, when it comes to solving the problem, you must decide whether you need outside help or not. There are so many common problems which married couples can solve on their own without professional guidance. You do not have to be on the verge of divorce to realize that you need guidance. Make sure you keep observing the direction of your marriage. This will enable you recognize a problem when you come across it. The other problem that might call for guidance is the issue of finances. Money is always a big problem when it comes to marriage. A wife wants one thing and the husband wants something else. Sometimes, the expenditure might be too high contrary to the agreement that the couple might have. These are issues enough to cause a storm in the house. If they are not addressed they will spill over and make the marriage shaky. Experts in marriage guidance will help you reach a compromise. They will not be making decisions for you but, they will just seek to help you see all the angles and perspectives you have been missing. If you are really concerned about your marriage, it is paramount that you think on this very seriously. Seeking help does not say that you are weak. It only shows that you care enough to find help. Strong marriages go through problems and, their secret simply knows how to handle problems. If you feel like you cannot save your marriage, you are probably frustrated and giving up. Seek help today and see the difference it will make in your life.